Grief: Upon loss of a loved one, or a dear relation

Life sometimes gives us occasional discomfort and pain in form of the loss of our dear ones like parents, friends, or pets. But we have to leave them behind and move forward without them. Death is not the only loss of your dear ones, grief could also be accompanied by breakups or divorce, couples dealing with miscarriage, and patients in hospice care or people who suffering or witnessing traumatic events. 

These rare events have a distinct mark on our lives. These are painful and sensitive times that need to be dealt with with coping strategies and adjustment back to normal life. Failure to successfully do so will leave us mourning for the rest of our lives. Consequently, living with it will make us incompetent to move on further with the people around us. 

Sadness establishes itself as one of those untouchable issues with which we are not taught to live consistently. particularly, considering covid and increased social distance. this scenario had led to more breakups and an inability to cherish true relationships. Yes, it is true, BBC reported that the pandemic has seen a spike in divorce rates and breakups mainly due to unemployment, economic downturn, and increased expenses on festive occasions like Christmas.

What Is Grief?

Grief is the way toward adapting to loss, deficiency, or the like. Usually, people consider bereavement, grief, or mourning attached to the death of a loved one. It includes loss of job, loss or death of a loved one, friend, or family member, loss of a pet, or end of any relationship be it love life or a dear friend. Sometimes grief even came up with mixed feelings of excitement and sadness together like in the case of moving to a new house but leaving the old one can cause sadness and grief. Individuals may feel discomfort during a period of significant life change—moving out of a family home, finishing school or college, moving to another city

Typically, mourning processes/stages are seen in the five phases of the sadness model, as identified by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. This model illustrates that an individual goes through five passionate states when going through grief:

#1: Denial—not admitting that the loss is real

Grief is an overwhelming and overpowering feeling. It's a common reaction to deny and refute the painful reality. Denying it allows you to slowly retain the news and start to deal with it. The denial defense mechanism naturally handles the uncomfortable circumstance in this way.

#2: Anger—rage/anger at the loss

Where refusal might be viewed as a method for dealing with stress, anger has a  veiling impact. Anger is concealing a significant number of the feelings and pain that you convey. This displeasure might be diverted at others. . Not every person will encounter this stage. But as the anger disappears you may begin to think and analyze events rationally.

#3: Bargaining—trying to trade away the loss

During distress, you may feel powerless and defenseless. It's quite natural to regain and restore control over the pain and loss caused by the loss. In the bargaining phase, you may end up making a great deal of "consider the possibility that”, “what ifs” and assuming favorable events

#4: Depression—feeling sad and hopeless about loss

Like different phases of grief, depression can be troublesome and chaotic. It can feel overpowering. You may feel hazy, bewildered, and chaotic. Depression may feel like the inescapable landing point of any misfortune circumstance. In any case, if you feel stuck here or can't move past this phase of depression, talk with a psychological well-being expert. An advisor can help you work through this time of adapting.

#5: Acceptance—accepting and acknowledging the reality of loss

Acceptance isn't a cheerful or elevating phase of sadness. It doesn't mean you've moved past the melancholy or misfortune. It does, notwithstanding, imply that you've acknowledged it and have come to comprehend what it implies in your life now.

How do you grieve?

There are different ways to grieve or mourn a loss. These models attempt to show the three major styles/ways a griever adapt to while dealing with loss and grief. Terry L. Martin and Kenneth J. Doka. Have explained the three styles of grievers as:

  • The intuitive style 

Grieving is visible and includes communicating inward feelings in an entirely noticeable manner. In society, customary mourning is expected to be expressed visibly and vocally. This form of misery is commonly referred to as the "feminine" form of grief.

  • Instrumental grieving

It involves a less obvious outward expression of grief. It frequently includes physical or mental activity jobs as an approach to dealing with the pain. Though not completely understood and acknowledged by the general people of the society but another way to process grief. The distressing form of pain is commonly referred to as the "manly" kind of pain.

  • Blended grieving 

It includes a mix of the above styles. In actuality all people are thus a mix of these two styles of the griever, some dominant with one style the other may show later expressions more evidently

Some people might consider seeking grief counseling to help address their feelings and emotions. While numerous mourners don't require professional assistance, many think that it’s useful. Grief is part of life and everyone passes through these stages once or more but is not a clinical or psychological condition that needs professional support. Nonetheless, it's anything but a troublesome encounter, and an expert can offer important help and guidance to alleviate the pain and agony.

What Is Grief Counseling/Grief Therapy?

Grief therapy is provided to assist the client in grieving healthily and productively, understanding and adapting to the feelings they are experiencing, and determining how to go ahead. It is never intended to be an escape strategy or one that allows the client to forget about the past. But rather to assist the client in the proper confrontation of loss and sorrow as part of reality and daily living. The grief process can be helped by individual therapy, existential therapy, family therapy, and/or group therapy.

Grief therapy is designed to assist people in adjusting to the loss of a friend or family member. A counselor helps to create techniques and procedures for adapting to loss, bereavement, and pain. Grief counseling presents an opportunity for the client to express their pain, concerns, feelings, and emotions related to the loved one. and the agonizing event of their loss helps to facilitate the grieving process

Grief has a unique impact on each one of us and with unique and different ways to pass through the grieving process. It additionally influences individuals on various occasions. During the grieving period, you may feel one or more of the following

  •         Being in trouble,

  •         Depression

  •         Guilt and blame,

  •         Confusion,

  •         Anger,

  •         Inability to effectively deal with normal daily tasks,

  •         Makes it harder to continue with own life and

  •         Messes up existing connections

An authorized specialist, clinician, counselor, or therapist can treat grief and bereavement. Seeing an emotional well-being expert like a grief counselor or therapist can help to eliminate these problematic emotions. They can help to introduce measures and approaches to adapt in face of grimness and sadness.

How does Grief Counseling help You?

The Grief Counselor usually adopts a systematic approach to help the client confront, realize and adapt to grief. He helps by

The initial step includes the encouragement of a trusting relationship with the client. This helps to establish a protected and agreeable bond for the griever to openly share his true feelings and pain with the counselor.

The second step involves active listening. The client is offered a safe space to express his sentiments and emotions about a deceased loved one or a close relationship. Thus in a problematic relationship, the counselor may use an alternative approach to let out his feelings about the past.

The counselor will assist you in distinguishing your ways of dealing with stress and help you in replacing the unhealthy defense mechanisms to cope with it.  They will assist in identifying emotionally supportive networks and support systems in your own life that you can get to.  

The counselor helps the mourner settle with the actual loss, and with the after-effects too. A severe loss can change you, and you may find yourself grieving even more or becoming hopeless, gloomy, and pessimistic as a result. The counselor in such circumstances helps you to restore your old and positive attributes in your personality

Grief advisors can help you put out sensible objectives in your day-to-day life and make plans that help keep you pushing ahead and getting back to ordinary errands while providing enough space to deal with grief.